The framing is good here, and you've got lots of detail, but the light seems a bit harsh, and there isn't much tonal gradation to draw the eye in one direction or another.
There are lots of things you can do with light to make this image more expressive and less "literal." You could try lighting from behind. You could use black cards ("flags") to block light from one side and make the light more directional. You could use diffusion material (cloth, paper, etc.) to soften shadows. You could also use reflectors to fill shadows or to direct natural or artificial light.
Take a look at _Light, Science and Magic_ by Fuqua and Hunter to begin to learn some techniques.
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